My Father Died Today

Updated on Sunday 27th: inserted photos of my father that I came across since his death.

Saturday 19th November 2022. My father died today. As my father was in his 90s and his health had deteriorated markedly over the last year – particularly the last 3 months – his death was anticipated. With this in mind, I got to see and speak with him several weeks ago. I got to say that which there was to say.

My father, Mohammed Jan, in his earlier years.

Emotions are present, particularly relief, gratitude, and sadness. Relief that he no longer suffers. Gratitude that he died peacefully and painlessly in his sleep whilst his favourite son, my youngest brother, sat beside him and held his hand. Sadness for he is my father, and he is no longer present.

My father in the last part of his life.

It occurs to me that when it comes to me and my life, my father played big. He always had high expectations of me: he was not satisfied with good enough, he pushed me to achieve, and he provided necessary support. I remember being told that some of my cousins did well in school. Their teachers encouraged them to go to college and then university. These cousins were eager to pursue this path. However, they did not get the opportunity. Why? Because their father wanted them in jobs earning money. So, these cousins spent their lives doing factory work. My father also did factory work. He experienced how hard it is – every day for many years. He was adamant that I would never do this kind of work.

To this day I value education and have a love of learning. I got this from my father. He could not read. And, he was determined I would read. So from an early age I was a frequent visitor to the local library. I remember reading the Greek legends – devouring them – when I was between the ages of seven and ten.

My father wanted to know what was going on in the world so he would listen to the news. However, he could not understand the news. So from an early age, seven I think, I watched the news with him and interpreted it for him. This is how I got my interest in the larger world.

Some of my strongest values I got from my father. In my younger years he constantly reminded me that to be human is to look beyond (and care) for more than oneself. To care for one’s brothers and sisters, one’s parents, one’s extended family, one’s neighbours, and the community members. He told me again and again a particular story. It was all about teamwork -everyone doing their part irrespective of what that part was. One of my strongest values is responsibility – doing one’s duty. This, also, I learned from my father. He worked hard, long hours, in a textile factory. Unpleasant work. Yet, that was the only work he could find. It was poorly paid. So, to provide for us – wife and children – he worked plenty of overtime.

My father cuddling one of his grandchildren

Saturday 19th November 2022. My father died today. Yet he lives – he lives in me for I am largely the person he shaped me to be. Even where I am not my father, for example I am not religious, I am not my father as a reaction to my father.

Gratitude is present.