Pretty much all of us live an imprisoned life. Imprisoned by what? Labels, concepts, beliefs, fear….What is the impact of this imprisoned life? The space of possibility – what is possible for us – is shrunk drastically. More for some than others, but always much smaller than the vast space of freedom.
In this conversation, I want to to explore how we imprison ourselves through labels. And, importantly how to set ourselves free. Let’s use an analogy. Imagine that you take an empty cola bottle and fill it with poison. The label clearly states that it’s cola. However, you know that inside lies poison, not cola. Will you drink from this bottle? No, right? Let’s go one step further, you offer this cola bottle to another person. And, you clearly point out the liquid inside is poison, not cola. Will this other person drink from this bottle? No, right?
Now let’s take this analogy into our personal lives and our relationships. Let’s say that your mother (or father) does not bring anything of value to your existence. Instead, s/he brings suffering: criticism, control, disrespect, belittles your worth… Is this not poison? So why is it that you continue to drink this poison just because the label is “mother”?
Or imagine Christmas. The label is a festive family gathering at Christmas. The label is so attractive. However, you know the reality: pretty much each of the family gatherings has left you with an unpleasant experience and emotions. In short, each one has been poison. So why is it that you continue to go to these family gatherings? Because you don’t want to disappoint your family? Well family is also a label, right? So if family is supposed to taste of cola, yet it tastes of poison, then why continue to relate to family as cola? Why keep drinking the poison?
Let’s consider a romantic relationship. Once upon a time it tasted of cola. However, for some time you have only tasted / experience poison: disrespect; distance; criticism; controlling behaviour etc. Despite your best efforts, there has been no change – the poison has not converted into cola. Why do you continue to drink this poison? Is it truly so difficult to live on your own, to value yourself, to give yourself the love you desire? Is there a shortage of romantic partners?
Let’s take a look at the world of work. Maybe you are an accountant or a lawyer. These labels carry value in the social world and they also carry value in economic terms. So you are respected and well paid. You have social approval and you live comfortably in material terms. Yet, you notice that at a deeper level you are dissatisfied. You sense a lack of joy in your living and a sense that you are wasting this precious life. Once again, if you look beyond that label you notice that every day of your existence is akin to drinking poison. Why not stop? Why not take steps to transition to a job / career that feeds your soul?
I urge you and me to see beyond the labels. I urge you to see into the reality of the thing itself and particularly your experience of the thing itself. If your experience is poison, then don’t drink even if the label says cola – even if cola is your favourite drink.
It’s that simple. And, of course to act on this requires courage. Little is possible without the courage to deal with life as it really is.
Existential Conversations For Playing Big 