Recently, I had the privilege to be there for a friend whilst s/he was in the midst of suffering. S/he was sobbing -tears upon the cheeks – and clearly in the midst of sorrow.
Here is the thing I noticed and cannot help noticing: s/he lives in a good apartment in a good neighbourhood; s/he is good health – no life threatening or disabling diseases to deal with; s/he eats well; s/he has a vocation which bring meaning, income, social contact – even connection; s/he has interests/hobbies that occupy time and bring joy. Which is to say, it is clear that s/he lives a relatively privileged life and lacks for little when it comes to the necessities of life.
Nonetheless his/her suffering is real. And, so is mine when I have found myself in a similar situation. What is going on here?
It occurs to me that many of us if not almost all of us strive to put LIFE in a box. The box may be circular, rectangular, square, triangular, red, green, blue, purple, white, small, big…..The point is that we want LIFE to play nice – to fit into and stay within the box, the boundaries, we have created for it.
Now here is the thing, LIFE will not be put into a box. And, if one can put it into the box of one’s choosing then there is the effort/struggle in keeping it in this box. And, sooner or later LIFE escapes from this box. Using a different analogy, I throw the dice and I truly/deeply want LIFE to deliver a six. I might with skill and luck get a series of sixes. However, sooner or later LIFE will deliver a one, or a two, or a three…. This is simply what is so.
Given that LIFE will not be put into the box of one’s choosing, it occurs to me that the ultimate in playing BIG, is letting LIFE be: accepting LIFE as it is and is not; working with LIFE as in choosing to see whatever LIFE brings as a challenge/opportunity.
You might be asking yourself how can the suffering that life brings be seen as a challenge/opportunity. I leave you with the following statements / insights from Viktor Frankl:
“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts, comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.“
“We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life and instead think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answers to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.”
Existential Conversations For Playing Big 